You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
