This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
