So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
