I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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