I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
