I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
