I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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