She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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