Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
