U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
