Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
