He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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