I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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