drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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