if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry about my life...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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