hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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