Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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