im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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