I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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