All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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