I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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