Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
