Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
