dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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