i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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