well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it because I queefed?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
