she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
