next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
