I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my poor anus
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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