Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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