I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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