i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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