He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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