Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
