There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
