Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
