it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
