last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
