your parents love me but you hate me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
