so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
