And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found the puke drawer
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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