I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
