he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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