Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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