The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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