loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just cropdusted the office
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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