There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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