I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
