He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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