Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
