No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
