No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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