Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
