how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
