How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
